So Nixon emails me early last week and says, "I can get you into the Ashlee Simpson concert if you want to review it for the website. You know, as a joke." I didn't even have to think twice. "F*** Yeah," I replied. "As a Joke.
Sure. As a joke. That's why I went to the concert at Chicago's Metro. I didn't want to see her dance around the stage in a hot outfit, with her boobs popping out every which way. She's not as sexy as her sister, but she is a Simpson. And at least she isn't Joe Simpson. That would be weird.
I somehow conned a friend of mine to go to the show. Thankfully, this friend was a female so I didn't look like a complete pervert going to a show where the average age of the person attending was around 16-years-old. I will tell you this though, the crowd was a lot older than an Avril Lavigne show, to which I went to earlier this year at the United Center in Chicago. I am not gay, nor a pervert.
We get to the show. I immediatly head to the bar in hopes that nobody recognizes me. I down two drinks, quickly. I want to be so sloshed when she gets up on stage.
But first I have to endure a band called Barefoot. They're like a boyband that plays real instruments. They're all good looking, two of them with knit-caps. Is this a popular look? The drummer has a fiberglass shield that separates the drums from the rest of the band. Are they that hardcore that they need one of those?
Hardly.
Their music sucks. Canned. Lame. Nothing New. Hanson for the post-tween pre-16 female set. Nothing to write home about. Although they do have an annoyingly cute website.
Ashlee Simpson took the stage by storm, belting out that song "Autobiography"...the title song from TV Show. She wore a Catholic School Girl Outfit and black boots. Her hair was blonde and not too done-up. She looked really good actually. Not to slutty, not too prudish. Left a lot to the imagination, which is a good thing these days.
Honestly, I don't know if she lip-synced or not. I tried to listen for some notes that were off-key. I didn't hear any. She sounded pretty good. But who knows really, maybe there were some moments she was off-key, but maybe my ears are too jacked with wax to tell the difference. At one point her ear-monitor fell out and she looked backstage, talked into her mic and said to one of the people in her crew, "I can't hear the words."
What??????
Was she using guide vocals? Could she not hear her own words? Was she having the lyrics fed to her? Somebody with more concert expierience than me needs to investigate...
She did have a back up singer though, and this might have rounded out her vocals. The singer was somebody on Joe Simpson's record label. He performed a song in the middle of Ashlee set, as well as danced a bit. Both of these moments were horrible to watch. Off to the bar for another drink.
The major complaint I had with Ashlee's performance was the amount of breaks she took during her set. About 4 or 5 in total. All lasting 5 minutes. This time was filled with guitar solos, drum solos, etcs. An absolute waste of mine and everybody's time. I could understand if I was at a freaking Jazz Show or these musicians were anything to write home about, but no, just sonically mindless filler that did nothing but give me another reason to get another drink.
Another thing that annoyed me: Ashlee's stage banter. Here's what she said after every song.
Ashlee: "Thank you guys sooooo much! This has been such a haaarrd year. This next song's about my ex-boyfriend!
She jumps into a song. After that she says.
"Thank you! I love you guys soooo much! Thanks for standing by me all this time! This next song's about my ex-boyfriend!
And then another song.
"Wow! Thank you! I love you all! You mean so much to me! This next song's about my ex-boyfriend!"
Ashlee, how many ex-boyfriends do you have? Can't you write one song for all of them? Or are they all just sooo special?
So that's the show. Again, she sounded pretty good, if she was even singing. But then again, I only knew about three of the songs so maybe you should take this review with a grain of salt.
That and I absolutely suck at writing concert reviews.
But maybe a picture is worth a thousand words...some people at the show did have a great time...and here is one example of one of those people who spent the night in sheer Ashlee Ecstasy.
WORLD LEADER PRETEND
DUNGEN
THE DANDY WARHOLS
