Suck My Blog

DVDs of the Very Near Future

Ho ho ho, Aaron Sorkin fans!  I think I know what you'll be getting this Christmas!  Tell Santa to stop at the nearest Best Buy and pick up...

...all thirteen episodes of the soon to be canceled Studio 60.  Special features include a full thirteen minute cut of the Science Schmience sketch and a commentary track where Sorkin begs you to send him blow.

South Park vs. World of Warcraft - Holy S***!

Screw Scientology!  South Park will take on MMOs in its season opener this Wednesday.  Stop gold farming for thirty minutes and watch.  Here's a clip:

I love how quietly he says, "...of Warcraft."  I'm sold!

Cartoon Censors Are Dicks / Idiots

The surgeon general warns us that second hand smoke is deadly, and second hand smoke from cartoon animals is especially dangerous.  Oh, no.  Wait.  That's completely untrue.  My bad.

Boomerang, the Cartoon Network spin-off nobody watches, is unnecessarily censoring episodes of Tom and Jerry, a cartoon that nobody has cared about since 1964.  However, what they're doing to these old shorts is absolutely ridiculous -- they're taking out scenes that feature Tom and Jerry smoking. 

What?  Why?  Because you think kids will follow their example and start smoking?  Well, Mr. Censor, I guess that's a good point, because smoking -- over time -- will kill you.  So it's dangerous to show kids images of their favorite characters smoking.  However, if they try and copy images of say, characters getting pushed out of tall buildings, or getting hit in the face with a frying pan, or getting electrocuted a lot, that's okay.  After all, nobody's ever died from falling out of a tall building before.

Good work, censors!  You make our children safe, one asinine edit at a time!

Here's Something You Don't Want To Do On Fox News...

...unless you want that bitch bitching at you.

Alex Trebek: Man or Man-Droid?

It has been prophesized that the robots will start a revolution.  They'll overthrow humanity and rule the planet.  But who will be their leader?  What android will spark the revolt?  And is it living among us right now?

...YES!  It's Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek.  Here's what Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings said about him in a recent interview:

"Nobody knows [Alex] died in that fiery truck crash a few years back and was immediately replaced with the Trebektron 4000."

What he didn't say is that Trebektron 4000 learned to hate the humans from that day forward.  Using his power as a television celebrity, he's luring us "hu-mons" into a sense of self-confidence, while he amasses an army of cyborgs to enslave us all. 

We need to stop him now, before he puts all of humanity into Double Jeopardy.  And this time, it won't be an audio clue.

Everybody's Lonely!

According to a new study, Americans are experiencing a far greater amount of social isolation than we were two decades ago.  The number of people we trust as "confidants" has decreased over the years.

Actually, this makes perfect sense.  In the 80s, this was our national social mood:

Today, here's where we are socially:

If you went into Cheers today, I would warn you not to talk to Norm.  He'd probably be an online pedophile now.  Or a date rapist.

Lesson: Don't talk to anybody.

THE HILLS

Are any of you watching The Hills on MTV? With only two episodes under it's belt, It has become my favorite show of the summer. You can always count on MTV to find the most annoying wastes of human beings anywhere and plop them in front of a camera for the world to be captivated by. Yes, it's one of those shows that sucks you in on a Saturday afternoon and before you know, you've been in an 8 hour MTV marathon.

I never got into Laguna Beach, mostly because I was confused by the whole thing. Was it for real? Was it scripted? It was too much to handle so I just shut it off. Apparently, The Hills features some of the cast from Laguna Beach. They are all a bunch of really hot girls looking for love, fame, work, parties, drugs, celebs in Los Angeles. What's not to like about all that?

(photo from WUNY Hills Viewing Party)

KATHERINE MCBOOBIES

I bet if Katherine McPhee busted out the big guns on Tuesday night she might - MIGHT- just have won. I dont' know why she would wait till the last minute to show off that rack. You could tell it even made Clay Aiken horny.

Oh, and sorry you have to look at Meatloaf here. While his boobs are huge, too, you shouldn't have to look at them. This is the only good Boobie McPhee shot I could find.

Check out LG Music, Nixon has some more thoughts on last night's Idol, which I really like BTW (except for Meatloaf!).

A DEATH IN THE OC

So unless you haven't been traveling on the internets today, you probably already know that Melissa Cooper a.k.a Coop a.k.a that Anorexic Chick on The O.C is going to that fake television Heaven in the sky. If I just spoiled the suprise for you, I'm not sorry.

I haven't been watching the show this season. It began to suck so badly somewhere after the first ten minutes of the season opener. Maybe Coop's death will bring new excitment to the show. What happened to all that 1st season goodness? I so remember when I first watched the show last winter. I caught an episode of the 2nd season and it wasn't that bad. I went back and watched the first seaon and it was like I found God.

Then this season started and it all went to the crapper. And now Coop is dead. What is happening to this world?

AMERICAN IDOL

I don't know whether I'm just a sad loser, but something made me almost want to cry at the end of American Idol Tuesday night. They had a montage of all the stupid auditions over the past few weeks, set to some cheesy song that sounded like it was written and performed by a MySpace band. I don't know whether it was the fact that we're never gonna see all the crappy performers who call themseles human bengs ever again, or whether I just need to grow a set of balls, but I sure as hell know that we all better get ready for several weeks of bittersweet American Idol joy.

I love this show. I want it never to go away.