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Former Presidents Are Lashing Out

Of course, we all know that Bill Clinton got upset on Fox News recently.  But if you think the Ex-Presidential rage stops with Clinton, you've got a lot to learn about George "Hothead" Bush Sr., who gets back at Chavez for calling his son, "the devil."

An "ass."  Woo hoo!  Take THAT, Chavez.  So, in light of Bush and Clinton's public wildness, how about a few more instances?  Jimmy Carter could scream obscenities at a Peace Rally and get arrested.  Gerald Ford could murder a homeless man for no reason.  If they teamed up with Bush Sr. and Clinton, they could form a D.C. gang and war with the Crips.  Sell drugs, do drive-bys, get a steady flow of bitches and hos.  Who says ex-Presidents should be dignified?  They should live like the pimps they really are!

For A Moment, Joe Lieberman Was Awesome

Today I was looking through Google News (by the way, did people really used to read the paper to get their news?  How would people 'Digg' stories in those days?) and I saw what I thought was gonna be the most amazing article ever.  The title was:

Joe Lieberman: "Leggo My Eggo."

I couldn't believe it.  Why would now controversial former VP candidate Joe Lieberman quote a commercial catch phrase from a time when Pop Rocks & Transformers ruled the earth?  Did Eggos contribute to his campaign?  Was he in a breakfast waffles ad?  What, what, what?!

So I clicked on it, and it was a Huffington Post article called Joe Lieberman: "Leggo My Ego."  Ego.  Get it?  It looks like Eggo.  Woo.  Very funny guys.  Thanks for being such a hilarious group of bloggers.

*SIGH*

Katherine Harris Puts Foot In Mouth, Wins Award!

"If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin."
-Florida Rep. Katherine Harris

Way to go, Katherine Harris!  Here's a trophy for your crazy religious tirade.  You've earned it!

Breast Implants Will SAVE YOUR LIFE!

There are two important wars going on right now.  The war between Israel and Hezbullah, and the war between you and your girlfriend over whether or not she should get breast implants.  If you're fighting in the first war, we cannot help you (you guys are on your own!) -- but if you're engaged in conflict #2, then we've got some ammunition for the fight:

Breast implants saved a woman's life.

And oddly enough, it happened during the first war.  An Israeli woman took some shrapnel in the silicone, and it prevented a more serious injury.  See?  Breast implants aren't just about looks, they're about safety.  They can deflect bullets, knock out criminals (if they're heavy enough)... and who knows?  Maybe some day they'll shoot lasers.  That'd be cool!  Unless they went off during sex.  Hmm...

Eh, on second thought, just get a nose job instead.  It's safer.

Being Prime Minister Sucks!

In England, people are upset with Tony Blair because he's taking a nice long vacation while his country is having a panic attack over potential terrorist attacks.  World events and public dissatisfaction haven't brought Blair back to work, so their thinking was, "maybe taking some photos of his underwear will do the trick."

If that doesn't work, England, here are five more embarassing things to take newspaper photos of:

• Tony Blair crying at the end of Bridget Jones' Diary.
• Tony Blair messily eating a plate of spaghetti.
• Tony Blair getting his leg humped by a horny chiwawa.
• Tony Blair falling down and landing on poo.
• Tony Blair crying while masturbating to a British porno (The Buff-ice, a take off of The Office where everyone is naked, i.e. "in the buff").

LIEBERMAN HIRES MEL GIBSON AS RUNNING MATE

Shocking. Shocking news from Sentator Joe Lieberman.

Only six years ago, the senator, who is Jewish, was his party's choice for Vice President and worried many in America's heartland because of his orthodox beliefs which prohibit him from pork-barrel politics and from conducting affairs of state after sundown. 

Shortly after his concession speech, Lieberman announced that he was naming Mel Gibson as his running mate. "Let the healing begin" he said.

Yes, let the healing begin indeed. Check out the full article on HeadlinedNews.com, LiquidGeneration's source for quality news.

Castro's Death = Jackpot!

Fidel Castro might be on the brink of death, so you know what that means: it's time for everyone to place your bets!  Will he live or die?  If you know the answer, you'll win big at online betting parlors.  I can think of an upside and a downside to this.

Downside:
I suppose betting on whether someone's gonna die is probably not a nice thing to do.

Upside:
We're all having a good laugh at Fidel Castro's expense.

Weighing the two, I think it's okay to bet on Castro's death.  Plus, if you win, you win big!  And if you feel bad, you could always use that money to create your own Communist island.  Or, you know, buy a car.

Bush Dodges Gibsongate

President Bush likes to take a "wait and see" approach to dealing with crises.  In the Israel / Lebanon conflict, Bush is just letting it play out.  In terms of the economy, Bush likes to let the free market work its own kinks out.

Hilariously true to form, however, Bush won't step in and say what he thinks of Mel Gibsongate.  Bush jokingly brushed aside a question about Jew Hatin' Mel at a recent White House press conference.   Come on, Mr. President.  We want to know where you stand!  Do you support celebrity drunken racial slurs or against them?

Your silence is incriminating.

SHE LOVES BERUIT...

...and suddenly, so do I. (Yahoo News)