Suck My Blog

Stop Digging Up The Dead Corpse Of The Beatles

John Lennon and George Harrison are back from the dead!!  WOOO!  Are they zombies?  Well... SORT OF!!  WOOO!!!

A "new" Beatles album is being released, with the permission of John & George's wives.  It's a remix album used for a Cirque du Soleil show.  *Groan*  The only person I want to hear remixing the Beatles are crazy hip-hop producers, who then go on to write albums about Adult Swim characters.  As far as I'm concerned, Beatles producer George Martin should just let these tracks be (no awful Beatles album title pun intended, thank god). 

Also, Cirque du Soleil?  Seeing their show is like going to one of those really expensive bowling alleys -- they have big screens "showcasing" independent short films while you bowl, so you pay an ironic $35 instead of $6, and you consequently have a lot less fun.  I'd rather hear a crazy Barnum and Bailey circus remix of Beatles songs, than Cirque du Soleil's late 90's, faux-art, clowning-as-commentary-on-human-social-norms, incredibly annoying remix.

It's time we shot the dead Beatles in the brain, so they'll stay dead this time.  No more remixes, remasterings, or re-anything.  Enough is enough.  Don't give in, or otherwise, they'll eat OUR brains!  WOO!! 

Seriously, though, don't buy this album.

Is This The Worst Music Video Ever?

On YouTube, this is billed as "Worst music video ever," and to tell you the truth, I can't think of another one that's this bad.  Watch for yourself:

All the elements of a legendarily bad music video are there...

• It's a terrible song, sung off-key.
• The singer is hilariously ugly and unappealing.
• The video is slow and "plot-driven," which is awesome for a video that has very little plot to begin with.
• Even the video quality is bad.

Can you think of a worse video?  If you can, post a link in the comments section.  If it's not this one, then I'd love to see what truly is "The Worst Music Video Ever."

Kevin Federline's Next Sucky Step

First there was the sucky live performance, now there's a sucky music video.  Soon there will be a sucky single on the radio, followed by an entire sucky album, and finally, in a few years, a very sucky "where is he now" special on E!

By the way, in case you haven't figured it out, the video sucks.  Enjoy!

Could You Be A Famous Slut?

If you think you have what it takes to be a chart topping celebrity whore, then your chance has finally come!  The Pussycat Dolls are looking for a new member, and they'll search for one in a reality show on The CW (The CW already sucks, and it hasn't even launched yet).  Here are some of the qualifications they'll no doubt be looking for:

• You must be an incredibly hot, anorexic girl caked in make-up.
• You must know how to stand.
• You must know how to sing, and by "sing," I mean allow a computer to digitally enhance your voice.
• You must be the exact height of the other Pussycat Dolls.
• You must be okay with stripping, but not the good kind of stripping.  The kind of stripping girls do when they want to pretend that they're stripping, because they're retarded like that.
• You must be able to be famous but not look recognizable in any way.

Good luck to you sluts!  It won't hurt your chances to sleep with the judges -- that's how The Pussycat Dolls got famous in the first place.

MTV Nominates Lameness

So MTV announced its music video award nominations today.  I can hear you yawning through the internet (I'm using Skype).  Remember when music videos were so amazing (Weapon of Choice) or so reprehensible (Lady Marmalade) that you would actually want sit down and watch this stupid award thing?

Well, the videos nominated this year are so boring.  Best example is Shakira's Hips Don't Lie video. 

Yes, she can shake her junk.  Good job!  It's a talent, and I'm glad she makes gazillions of dollars.  But should her video be nominated for an award?  It's the same three shots over and over again.  It's like watching an old Hanna-Barbara cartoon, where the character can only do three things.  In Shakira's case, she can shake her ass from the back, shake her hips from the front, and then to spice it up, she can also shake her boobs.  Should anybody be awarding that outside the context of a porn award?  Even if the award is as lame as an MTV Moon Man?

Anti-MTV Now Anti-Cool?

So, I'm trying one of the many new MySpace-y clones out there, called Mog.  It's a music-specific MySpace that's not affiliated with MTV.  They just sent out this email:

"...there were a bunch of stories written [...] that said something to the effect of, 'MTV starts new social networking site called MOG' - just to be clear MTV HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MOG.  if anything, MOG is the ANTI-MTV. just the thought of it leaves us with a dirty taste in our mouths. blech. we apologize on behalf of the nincompoop writer who spread this nauseating rumor."

Is it just me, or is it un-cool to be "the ANTI-MTV" right now, and cool to just be indifferent towards it?  When TRL blew up in '99, it was cool to hate MTV, because they were in our face with Limp Bizkit and The Backstreet Boys.  But MTV is so irrelevant right now, hating it seems completely out of touch.  What exactly do you hate so much about MTV, Mog?  Does Laguna Beach get 'under your skin?'  Or is True Life your 'pet peeve?'

Also... nincompoop?  Mog is an 80 year old man.

GOOGLE: THE BEATLES NOT BIGGER THAN JESUS

It's official, at least according to Google. The Beatles are not bigger than Jesus.