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Wii Love Dorks!

Mark your calendars: November 19th at Midnight.  If you love Mario more than your own family, have absolutely no social life whatsoever, and $250 burning a hole in your pocket, then you'd better get to a Toys 'R' Us or Best Buy or something.  Cause this is coming my friends...

Trample through crowds of excited nerds, stubborn moms, and bratty kids for the privilege of owning one.  Then take it home and flail your arms like an idiot trying to play Zelda. 

Also, for the first time in a long time, you will truly be happy.

Sonic vs. Hitler

I remember Sonic as an annoying, speed-demon Mario hater.  Today, I still think he's pretty annoying (he was even voiced by Urkel in the cartoon), but at least he's making ammends now by fighting racism.  Yes, you heard me: Sonic is like a loop-running, ring-collecting, Dr. Robotnik-murdering Martin Luther King Jr.

Actually, he's more like Indiana Jones, cause it's the Nazis he's after.  Check out these German anti-Nazi protest rally photos:

But who would win in a fight between Sonic and Hitler?  Sonic, of course.  Unless secret Nazi Tails double-crossed him... that Aryan prick.  [Pics via Kotaku]

GoogleMaps Are Finally Useful

This is the greatest thing in the world.  It's a flash game called "Goggles: The GoogleMaps Flight Sim," and it's as amazing as it is a complete waste of time!

You control a little airplane that flies over GoogleMap landscapes of major cities worldwide.  Not only that, but you can shoot and (temporarily) destroy things on the landscape.  Hate how clean Toronto is?  Litter it up -- with gun fire!  Didn't get to go to Disneyland this year?  Now NO ONE gets to go!  Does your ex-girlfriend live in Madrid?  Track her down and obliterate her apartment!  Hopefully, you've gotten your DVDs back by now, anyway.

So, forget Grand Theft Auto!  Actually, don't forget Grand Theft Auto.  You can play them both.

America's Nerdiest Condom Case

Finally, a way to combine old school gaming and sexual intercourse that doesn't involve a pixelated representation of a cowboy raping a Native American woman!  Introducing...

The Gameboy case condom holder!  Throw out your broken Alleyway cartridge and put a condom in its case.  It's the perfect size and shape.

The only downside?  Odds are, if you're the type of person who's actually doing this, you're probably never gonna get a chance use that condom.

Play Mortal Komboobs

If you're looking for a Street Fighter game where you're not on the street, the fighting of very little importance, and all the characters are good looking girls in bikinis, then I've got the low budget game trailer for you:

Bikini Karate Babes!

It looks like a PC game that should have been created eight years ago, but that's okay.  Half-naked girls fighting are always welcome in my house.  Except when they knock into furniture.

Well, actually that's okay, just as long as they don't destroy anything valuable. 

Hmm... wait... nah, don't worry about it.  Just come on over and hit each other.  We'll have fun.  Oh, it's just a video game?  Never mind!  [Thanks for the link, Kotaku]

You'll Love Your Nintendo Key Chain At First

These Nintendo key chains would make you the envy of all your friends...

...until you play it all the time, and everyone gets really annoyed at you.  Sure, you could play the "warp" sound everytime you walk into a room and be like, "I just warped here from World 3!"  But believe me, it's gonna get old fast, and you'll be the last one to realize it.

"If you make the 'Mario Is Dead' sound one more time, I'm going to actually kill you."  Game Over, keychain guy.  Game Over.

Prepare Yourself!

Have a look at this thing.  It's a popular trading card / video game in Japan:

It looks horrible and obnoxious, so how do I just know that we're going to be invaded by these things in a few months?  They'll be installed in restaurants and dance clubs, there will be a TV show, then a movie version of the TV show, and music from the movie will be played on the radio.  And of course, don't forget the commercials.  During all your favorite shows, pink epilepsy-inducing dogs will bark at you, telling you to buy trading cards, t-shirts, candy, action figures...

I'm building an underground bunker before this thing hits.  I lost my best friend to Yu-Gi-Yo!  ...every night I can still hear his screams.

THE MAKING OF HALO 3

Oh Lordy this is sexy.

If The Playstation 3 Costs More Than $500…

Sony announced at E3 that the upcoming Playstation 3 will cost more than $500. Wow. For that kind of money, here are the features we assume it will include:

• 60 gigs of storage space
• High Definition video quality
• Built-in Wi-Fi
• Automated pizza maker
• Two million launch titles
• Date finder
• Wireless controller… which can freeze time
• DVD player
• Teleporter
• Animal cloner (for dead pets)
• Planet Destruction Beam
• Surround sound
• Sex hole

OMFG! AN N64!!!!

Watch this little kid see God in the Nintendo 64. (via joystiq.com)