Suck My Blog

Optimus Prime: The Big Question

Eh, I'm gonna vote for retarded.  Looks like they're trying too hard, like some executive saw a simpler design and said, "it needs to be more complicated and suck harder!"

What do you think?

Turn Around... For The Sexy!

If you like beaches, Japanese girls, and the act of turning around, then I've got just the popular YouTube clip for you:

I think it'd be really funny if the last girl turned around, and she had the ugliest face you could possibly imagine: huge boils, giant fangy teeth, and one eye that's three times the size of the other.  It'd be like a Looney Tunes cartoon, except it'd be on Japanese television, so it'd be more hypnotic and off-putting.

Morning Roundup

Good morning.  How about a kiss on the lips before our plane ride?

• Scientology is gay.  Or rather, one of its most famous members is.  (?)
• It's sad when Suri Cruise's first poop is worth more than a lot of your possessions.
• In a new movie, President Bush is 'assassinated' on screen.  Why do I feel like this movie might be a little controversial, for some crazy reason?
• There's a hostage crisis right down the street from LG's offices.  I'm thinking of going in there and sorting it out.  You know, be a hero.  Cause that's my thing.

SLACKING AT WORK: LG ARTISTS EAT WORMS

I'm sure you all believe that the only thing we do here at LiquidGeneration is work, work work, animate, animate, animate, and write boob joke, boob joke, boob joke. This couldn't be farthest from the truth. We also eat worms. Small. Disgusting. Tequila Worms. Here's a video of a couple of young, eager-to-impress-the Internet-Masses LiquidGeneration Artists eating a worm. Could a Fear Factor: LiquidGeneration! be in the works?

Vicious Cat vs. Vicious Dog

Here's a picture of a cat so nasty, a story about him was featured in The Drudge Report.  He apparently went into people's homes, stole food, chased off other cats, then leapt in the air and attacked humans.  He scratched arms and legs. Here he is:

Now here's a picture of a nasty looking dog I found, who bit a child:

The cat still looks pretty cute.  He even has a cute name, "Grumpy."  I want that cat to learn how to behave, then curl up in a ball by a fireplace and purr.

GET THAT F***ING DOG AWAY FROM ME!  Take it behind the barn... you know what comes next.   So long, Ol' Yeller.  Unless you want it.  In that case, may God have mercy on you.

Your 'Rioting' High School Is Pathetic

There's a teacher strike going on at an Ohio high school, and according to the students, the school is going insane:

The scene inside the high school was ''crazy,'' as ''chaos'' reigned while students watched television, talked on cellular telephones and played the card game Uno, according to several students.

Oh, no!  These kids have gone crazy!  They're watching TV!  Talking on their cell phones!  God forbid they're text messaging!  And did you say Uno?  Is it Spongebob Uno?  Cause if it is, someone better call in the national guard!

Those kids don't know the meaning of chaos.  There's a school where kids do coke, throw furniture out the window, and set off explosives!  The school is called Rock 'n Roll High School, and those kids proved that chaos isn't just sitting around watching daytime soaps.  If you really want chaos, at the very least, you have to make the surviving members of The Ramones honorary students.  And you get extra points for creating a giant mutant rat!

What are you waiting for Ohio?!  ROCK OUT!

Morning Roundup

Good morning and Hallelujah!

• Jessica Simpson has lost her voice.  See?  Prayer does work.
• Warren Jeffs, the fugitive Polygamist, has been apprehended by authorities.  He'll be comfortable in jail, where he's sure to have multiple 'partners.'
• Terminator TV: Judge... It-After-Three-Episodes-Then-Cancel-It Day
• First Woody Allen, now Bob Dylan.  Scarlett Johannson should run a nursing home!

Tara Reid: REJECTED!

Leave it to TMZ.com to capture the moment when a drunken "has-been" gets publically humiliated:

So, there you have it.  Tara Reid can't get into exclusive nightclubs anymore.  Will she start hanging out at IHOP with the rest of us?  And in a few years, will she be serving us food at IHOP?  And if Tara Reid was your waitress, would you keep sending back your Country Griddle Cakes, just to piss her off?  These are questions we all need to ask ourselves.

Science Kicks Cancer's Ass - Finally!

Since Pluto got booted out of the cool planets club, I felt like science owed me.  After all, Pluto was a pretty decent planet, which rounded out the solar system nicely (small planets by the sun, big planets far away, and one tiny planet at the end, like the period at the end of a sexy, well-balanced sentence).

It's been a long time since science has cured any important diseases, as far as I know.  Apparently, curing a disease is "hard," so scientists just sit around and cry all day about cancer.  Well, you cry babies, one of you scientists knows how to use the potty all by himself -- he just cured cancer!  Well, kinda.  Science found a way to naturally have cancer cells kill themselves.  Like depressed poets and stock brokers on a bad day, these cancer cells will do themselves in, and all we have to do is sit back and relax.  It's not exactly a Flintstones Chewable Cancer Cure, but at least it's a start.

Hey, science.  Good work.  Now where's my robot butler?

Morning Roundup

Good morning.  Is it time to get wasted yet?

• Angelina had an open bar at Maddox's birthday party.  Those five year olds are gonna get so trashed!
• John Mark Karr wanted Johnny Depp to play him in the movie version of his life.  Now that he's not a murderer, Kirk Cameron won't even read the script.
• Tom Cruise's production company will be financed by the chairman of Six Flags.  A possible ride tie-in?  How about "Crazy Cruise's Downward Spiral Coaster," or simply, "The Freakinator!"
• The President of Iran has challenged Bush to a TV debate.  Bush should challenge him to quit being such an a**hole.